i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
