One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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