Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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