Taylor Swift is so right about you.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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