i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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