either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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