dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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