cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the day after is always just damage control
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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