Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize