Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
