just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's shark week go big or go home
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
