Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
