What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
