He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize