and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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