we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
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