Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
