You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Text me some of your sweat
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