Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
