You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
