Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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