Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize