Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
