I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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