Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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