I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
