i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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