its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize