I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
