just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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