I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
