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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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