Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
