I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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