I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
