I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
