I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
