I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
