literally had 100 drinks last night.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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