I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
