I'm so fucking centered right now
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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