Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
