At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
