The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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