I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
