If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
