I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
