omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
