I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
