Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I will pee on everything he values.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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