Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
