why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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