Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize