I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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