If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
All I want is dick and wine.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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