WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
