Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
