I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I fill condoms, not promises.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
