We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
