i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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