For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
