You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
