The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
