Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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