Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
