Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
