I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
