if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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