and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
