take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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