is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
