i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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