We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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