I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
