Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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