Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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