He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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