LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
