Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
