he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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