i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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