You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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