Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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