I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize