Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
