your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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