Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
