oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
