and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
