i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
