This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
