oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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